Let's face it, all the good stuff happens after midnight.
--Matt Groening--
"Purpose of visit?" asked the customs agent as we approached a checkpoint at the U.S.-Canadian border.
"We're going to a wedding," my wife said.
"Are you carrying any weapons--knives, guns?" he asked.
"No," she said. "It's not that kind of wedding."
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard a young guest at the wedding shower sigh.
"Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid."
"Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could be a skillet."
A distraught driver was grateful when out Marine son, Jim, stopped to help put out a fire in her car. "I prayed, 'please let the next car stop,' and it was you," the woman gushed.
Jim's mother was also pleased when she heard the story.
"Who would have thought," she told him, "that you'd be the answer to any girl's prayers?"
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