Wednesday, December 17, 2008

fifteen...

7 + 8 things you never knew you wanted to know about me...

7 quirks ... this oughta be good!

1. i don't do mornings. not the same way my mom doesn't do mornings (to her there's no oxygen that early) no... for me if i'm awake before 9ish i'm cranky, i'm rude, i refuse to open my eyes until i've adjusted to whatever light there is, i don't talk and i don't smile. 5:30 in the morning it too butt-crack early for this girl... i will agree with my mother on one part of this though... there's no such thing as 5:30 in the morning.... there's only a 5:30 in the evening and a 5:30 in the middle of the night...

2. i HATE when my food touches on my plate... yes, the things that are SUPPOSED to touch do, but i can't stand it when the different dishes mix and mingle on my plate... gross. my dad thinks i'm ridiculous and says "it's all going to the same place" yeah well... it doesn't have to START that way. (that coming from the man who doesn't like too many different "tastes" in his mouth at the same time...) i LOVE those plates with the little dividers in them...

3. i sing. and quite well if i do say so myself. most people say that i've been blessed with my mother's voice, but i wouldn't go THAT far... hers is FAR superior to mine... but someday i hope to be as good as her. i sing in the shower, i sing in the car, i sing while i'm drying my hair and getting ready for the day, i sing in church... i always wonder if i sing in my sleep... hmm...

4. i have an AWFUL memory... which is why people hear the same stories over and over and over again... i forget who i've told things to and who i haven't... (today i told my friend Mike the same story 3 times... and he was THERE when the actual event happened that i was relating... yeah it's bad) but in the same breath, i can quote any movie, even if i've only seen it once. how does that work?

5. despite my obvious disdain for married people and their stupid married-people-club i actually DO want to get married... some day... i've picked out my engagement and wedding ring just like every girl does and i'm guilty of picking out things i want at my reception... see... kiley can be sappy and sentimental and mushy too!! i think it'd be fun and interesting. mostly because i'm pretty sure that even though i'm slightly O.C.D. about my space (mainly the kitchen) and i love doing dishes and laundry and watching football i'm really hard to live with...

6. i LOVE old music... my dad's music to be specific... yes i love new music too, but Creame, Boston, The Doors, Aerosmith, The Who and countless others will always have a special place in my heart. my dad sings along with almost EVERY word of whatever song comes on the radio and he'll even do a little air-guitar with his tongue out the side of his mouth and his eyebrows furled... it's quite entertaining... GREAT music.

7. for as long as i can remember, one of my many nicknames has been "Miss Dramatic" (or if you would have asked me when i was younger "Mister-Matic") hard to believe i know. i'm loud most of the time, laughing so hard i'm crying most of the time and having full-on conversations with my siblings in "movie-quote" (i think it should be a national language... then i'd be bi-lingual) everything that happens to me is fantastical and just begging to be relived via story-telling. but the weird thing about this quirk is that despite my glaring need to be the center of attention, i freeze if i'm in front of a large group of people... i can't perform on stage... it scares the CRAP out of me. hmm... haven't been able to figure this one out yet, maybe some day i'll get over that fear.

are you still with me?? here we go ...
the crazy 8's ...

8 TV Shows I Love to Watch:
1. CSI
2. CSI: Miami
3. CSI: NY
4. Criminal Minds
5. Without a Trace
6. Cold Case
7. Family Guy
8. Weeds


8 Places I Love to Eat:
1. Taco Del Mar
2. Red Robin
3. Burger King
4. Taco Bell (or Taco Hell)
5. Woody's
6. mom's house
7. Spud's
8. anywhere that's free... (free food always tastes better)

8 Things that happened yesterday:
1. i worked at 5:30 and didn't get off until after 3pm
2. i tripped over my own pant-leg and almost slammed my face into a door
3. i almost froze to death while waiting for the bus
4. i blogged for the first time in a month!
5. i picked out a couple songs to sing on Sunday in Sacrament Meeting
6. i got information about the apartment complex i'm gunna try and live in when i get to Utah (thanks eektially)
7. i went to Fred Meyer with my best friend wearing a ridiculously fantastic hat my dad got from Peru that attracted some of the most awesome facial-reactions ever
8. went on a little drive with o'bee...

8 Things I Love about Fall:
1. shorter days... less light... more time for sleeping
2. Thanksgiving... Food, Football, Family
3. Christmas explodes on my parent's house (yes ON, not at)
4. i second emily's thing: long sleeve shirts and scarfs
5. Christmas music everywhere you go
6. my dad dressing up for Santa gigs... oh yeah, he's an AWESOME Santa's Helper
(for the last 2 i'm gunna put things i absolutely LOATH about Fall)
7. being cold...
8. people freaking out about a little dust of snow... it's like they all of a sudden forget how to drive...

8 Things on My Wish List:
1. these shoes:2. this movie:3. cute little things-to-put-things-in (or a gift card to The Container Store)
4. the wallet i picked out at Fred Meyer
5. one or two 8GB memory sticks/cards
6. a new(er) Dell Lap Top
7. a queen size mattress...
8. sheets for a queen size mattress...

8 People I am Tagging:
almost everyone i would have tagged has already been tagged or has already filled this thing out... so i'm just gunna tag Emma and Spat... love you two!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

long time no blog...

so i realize that it's been FOR-flipping-EVER since i blogged last... i'm such a slacker, as pointed out by my LOVELY friend, Ms. P...
so here's a little bit of what's been going on in the wonderful world of kiley lately.
INTERESTING THINGS AT WORK:
i'm pretty sure that people in Bellevue just SUCK at using their brains... apparently all of them are so used to getting anything and everything they want, down to an EXACT order for their coffee that they take that into a hardware store and expect the same treatment... and if they don't get what they want, when they want it, they pitch a fit like a 4-year-old and do all but stomp their feet, throw themselves on the ground and bang their hands til they get put in time-out. i mean really people. grow up. for instance... i had a lady call the store and ask to have something cut and ready for her to pick it up within the hour... really? what do you think this is a drive through?
(some of you may recall the LAST time this happened... well this time it was worse)
so we did the best we could and cut the 2x2s to her exact specifications, only we didn't have them done in time for her (not to mention she wanted about 30 cuts, all different lengths, in less than half an hour) so of course she threw a tantrum and since they weren't ready for her to take them with her, she wanted them delivered, free of charge, to her house...
are you kidding me?
you want us to drive a HUGE delivery truck with 4 or 5 chopped up 2x2s from our store to your house and WAVE the 79$ delivery fee?? HA! you MUST be joking... oh no! she wasn't. in fact she was PISSED that we even QUESTIONED her reasoning behind the whole matter...
her reason: i called in PLENTY of time to have it done and it wasn't done when i got there. i was in a hurry and didn't have time to wait around for it to get done.
wow... you should have just come and picked up the dang sticks and cut them your-dang-self!! on your OWN time!
ANYWAY...
the store manager that i absolutely LOVED, totally awesome guy, just got taken away from us!! they moved him to Mill Creek to be the Operations Manager... i'm NOT happy about that... right before they took him away they kicked OUR Ops Manager out (which i'm not happy about either... he was awesome too) and replaced him with some chick from Hawaii... i'm pretty sure that i don't like her... wait... lemme think...
yeah no.
i freakin' hate her.
she's a freakin' harpie...
she never listens to a dang word anyone says...
for reals, she'll come and talk to you about something that needs to be fixed and then ask you a question regarding what she just told you about, for instance she asked me why something had been sitting on one of my aisles for over 2 weeks... i tried to explain it to her and tell her why and whatever and RIGHT after i got done explaining myself, it's like she had an instant brain-fart and everything that just happened in the last 2 minutes was now gone...
meaning she said the exact same thing she just said a minute and a half ago...
seriously? wow.
she's like the Wicked Witch of the West and the White Witch from Narnia combined...
YIKES! i really don't like her.
i avoid talking to her as often as possible.
she bugs me in the mornings when i open...
it's like she didn't get the memo that Kiley's not a morning person or something....
even AFTER someone told her the first time she tried to talk to me in the morning without a response... (oh wait! she doesn't listen when people talk... maybe that's what the problem is...)
yeah... when i get to work at 5:30 in the morning and i walk in with one eye open JUST enough so that i don't run into things and the look on my face CLEARLY says "don't even talk to me" why would you try and be all cheery and carry on a conversation with me... i don't talk to anyone until at LEAST 7am... i'm not nice... i'd lose friends if i talked to people that early in the morning... ugh.
and she's ALWAYS there!!! every time i'm there she's there... talking down to people, doing the "i'll-smile-while-i'm-talking-to-you-so-you-think-i'm-being-nice-but-really-i-think-you're-an-incompetent-employee-and-i-really-don't-care-if-you're-working-hard-i'll-still-tell-you-it's-not-good-enough" thing... ugh... wench.
anyway... moving right along.
INTERESTING THINGS OUTSIDE OF WORK:
i went on a blind date... well... sort of... maybe we'll call it a "far-sighted" date... crazy story... i forwarded a text message to a couple friends one day and randomly got a text back
"who is this?"
"kiley... who's this?"
"i don't think we know each other, my name is Mike, i just got a text from you..."
"oh. hi mike. nice to meet you. have a nice day"
well... much to my surprise he didn't stop there! we ended up texting back and forth for most of the night... at first my thoughts were "random..." then the more i talked to him it changed to "oh wow... NERD!! why do i attract the nerds?!" but the more we texted the more normal he seemed... and i figured texting was harmless, and besides, i have unlimited texting! woohoo. he would mention things every now and then about us meeting up and going out or whatever and i would just kinda "haha" and leave it alone and he'd drop it... we didn't share any details really... basically that i worked at a hardware store and that i was 22 and live in Kirkland... he shared that he was a foreman for a job site in Redmond and lived in Tacoma... we got to know each other a little... texted every day for a good week and a half... then the inevitable. he asked me where he would have to go if he wanted to introduce himself... at the time i was waiting for my bus in Kirkland to take me to work. he asked if he could come and buy some wood from me. i "haha"ed like usual but this time he says
"i'm serious, do you have any intention of ever meeting me? or we can just text forever..."
so i gave in.
"sure. come on down."
"k...but i don't know where you work"
"Lowe's in Bellevue... i go to lunch around 5:30."
so he came a little early and walked around the store and then took me to lunch at Taco Del Mar... (great food) we talked some more and he's actually REALLY normal... refreshing. no joke. i swear i'm a magnet for ridiculous men... yikes.
so yeah. we still talk, but that was the only "date" we've been on...

in other news i'm still moving to Utah in January... well, i can't really say "still" because for a minute (k like a week) i wasn't gunna go... i siked myself out a little bit but i'm back on track for a departure date of January 24th 2009... i won't lie, i'm a little scared... a little anxious... and way nervous... but it will be good! it's gunna be an awesome change of pace and a much needed change in scenery. and this time i go away it will be GOOD cuz i'm actually doing it because i WANT to do it, not because someone else wants me to do it.
wise words: do the things that make YOU happy... live for YOU... move for YOU...
so yeah. i've been slowly going through all my junk and getting rid of everything i don't want to take with me... it's hard! i have to take breaks periodically because i'm such a pack-rat! i'll start off good, throwing away things i really DON'T need, but then i start to get sentimental and that's when it's time to get out of the house, or at least away from the junk for a minute.
we'll see how much i actually end up taking... mostly clothes i'm thinking...

i'll have to blog about all the things i'm going to miss at a later date... cuz i'll probably start to cry on the keyboard if i do it right now.
so for now i'll just pinch it off and call this good.

happy blogging!!

-kmw-

Friday, November 21, 2008

a day with friends...

me and ashleyme...me on a chair in the middle of the road...the tiniest shopping cart ever...the girls! :) we were painting on shirts...

-kmw-

so... i'm a loser...

i suck, i know. but hey! it's been a busy last month or so... lots of big decisions... lots of work... ugh...
so just for those of you that don't know yet i'm moving!
yup. i'm outa here January 24th!
i'm moving down to Mormon Mecca... that's right. good ol' Utah.
i'll be living in Springville for a while. i'm trying to transfer to the Lowe's down there, but if that doesn't work out i'll be trying to find somethin else...
oh well. anyway... in other news, i'll be living at my parent's house again for alomst two months... so i'll probably be blogging more often... haha! :)
sorry this one is so short!

-kmw-

Friday, October 31, 2008

the rules...

had to copy this from a guy friend of mine... HAlarious!


We always hear " the rules " from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 1 7 months is a problem See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


(But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping)

Friday, October 10, 2008

then and now...

by request...
that was then...
and this is now...yeah man...

-kmw-

Thursday, October 09, 2008

don't ya just love people?

i get this call the other day at work....this lady wants to know if we have dowels that you would use to put in a window to stop it from being opened... i said yes... she asked if they could be cut to size... i said yes... THEN she asked me "if i wanted them cut to certain lengths could i just order that and then pick them up within the hour?"
does this look like a drive-through lady??
i mean really??
of course i can't just tell her no... i could get in trouble for that...
so i told her i'd cut them and have them up at customer service for her to pick up.
i cut them and walked up to customer service and set them on the counter...
the head cashier looks at the dowels, looks at me, and asks "what are these?"
i said "there's a lady that's coming to pick them up within the hour... they're not paid for... she called and asked if i'd cut them and have them ready to pick up..."
he says "uh... ok... that's interesting... i didn't know we had a drive-through..."
AH! my thoughts exactly...
lazy bellevue people...

-kmw-

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

FANtastic!!

so, as you may already know, i've been losing a bit of weight here and there since moving out of mom and dad's...
well tonight marks a fantastic day in history...
rewind to a month and a half ago...
my pants were too big, so i thought i'd bust out the giant bag of old jeans that didn't fit me, but that i didn't want to toss and see if they might fit...
i tried on a couple of them....
too soon...
they wouldn't even go up over my thighs...
well... tonight before going to Brentley's birthday party i was feeling gutsy...
so i went for it.
i grabbed one of my favorite pairs of old jeans out of the bottom of the closet and put them on...
GREAT SUCCESS!!
they fit!!
EEEEEEEE!!!!
i can't even begin to tell you how awesome this makes me feel... it's been almost 3 years since these jeans fit me...
i'm still working on it, but this is a big step and i'm really proud of myself!!
go me.

-kmw-

Friday, September 26, 2008

'splosions and schmite going everywhere...

yeah. more like "let's BUST and DROP stuff together"...
hold on, let's not get ahead of myself here...
so the last couple days at work have been a little less than fine and dandy...
ok, they've been flat out SUCKY, but whatever.
let me go back...
yesterday, oh yesterday.... there we were, brown-chris and me, doing yet another load out for a obviously-capable person (they're just too lazy to do it their selves) this time, it's plywood! woohoo!! nothing too crazy, just some 1/2 inch AC FIR, about 12 sheets... we roll it out to this guys little pickup and start loading it in... one sheet at a time... conveniently it fits right in!! we get about half of them loaded in, and i'm getting a little over zealous and so i pick up the pace... apparently i underestimate my own strength and i sent a piece of plywood sliding so fast i couldn't it RIGHT into the right tail light and BUST the crap out of the plastic covering the light... i think my gasp took away most of the breathable air... i stood there with, needless to say, a shocked-beyond-belief look on my face. i looked at the guy, said "oh my gosh, i'm dead" and picking up the broken plastic tried to put it back together again... apparently i'm just as successful as "all the kings horses and all the kings men" because no matter how hard i tried, it wouldn't go back!
crap. this has never happened to me before... so bad!! my boss laughed it off, but in a "yeah, you're probly gunna be in trouble" sort of way...
SO... TONIGHT was even worse...
i can't get over how crazy this is...
so there we were, my favorite jacob and i, outside, in the rain, in the dark... moving a pallet of play sand i took a turn a little too fast and slid because of the rain and all but 12 bags of the play sand FLEW off the pallet and. went. everywhere. now, this wouldn't be a big deal, but there are about 54 bags per pallet... and when they hit the ground, and the other pallet of all-purpose sand a few of them busted-the-crap open... so while we were cleaning them up, i got sand in my shoes. GREAT fun.
THEN... to make matters worse... i had to bring in a few pallets of Trex and ChoiceDek (composite decking) so i grabbed the first pallet, which consisted of a bunk of 16 foot boards (about 40 of them) and a bundle of 12 foot trim boards (about 12 of them)... i brought them inside, got all the way inside the building and had every intention of putting them on the ground in the back aisle for the openers to deal with, and then all hell broke loose!!
there i was... turning to put them on the ground... didn't turn soon enough, and was going a bit faster than i probably shoulda been... at the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND my favorite jacob shouts from behind me "WATCH THE LEFT--" but before i could get myself stopped i SMACKED the left corner of the 16 foot boards on the beam of the end cap, sending all 52 boards CAREENING off the end of the forks! they flipped and exploded when they hit the ground. there are about 6 bands holding these together... all but ONE of them broke on impact... oh, and by the way, i had them lifted about 12-16 feet in the air...
so they fell 12-16 feet before they finally hit the ground...
AGAIN i sat there with a stunned look on my face... so many emotions went through me that i didnt know what else to do... so i laughed until i had tears in my eyes...
while we cleaned up my little mess, jacob and i laughed hysterically to keep from me bursting into tears... all i could say was "did that just happen?" and "i'm dead... that's it for me... it was working with you jacob"
AHH!!
work had been TERRIBLE!!
but to look at it in a lighter sense, we learned things!!
1. don't let kiley speed up a process that doesn't need speed
2. don't let kiley drive in the rain, in the dark, with a full load
3. don't let kiley drive while sleep deprived
4. don't let kiley drive while sleep deprived and in a rush...

see? learning experience.
the end.

-kmw-

Saturday, September 20, 2008

tagged by Mike and Tiffany!

so... i've been tagged again! woohoo!! this time by my awesome cousins, Michael and Tiffany, so here goes nothin!! :)

List:
3 joys
3 fears
3 goals
3 current obsessions/collections
3 facts about yourself
Tag 3 people at the end of your post by leaving their names, then let them know their tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

3 joys:
1) my family... they're awesome people!! yeah, there are times when we don't exactly get along, but hey... that's life right? i love my family!! my parents are always right (yup, i said it) my sisters are the most awesome body-guards EVER... i mean really, mess with me, you gotta answer to 3 momma-bears... and then my not-so-little-anymore brother... i admit, he can take me now... boy, that was a rude awakening... and i love my brothers-in-law and all my nieces and nephews!! cutest kids on earth!!
2) my roommates... if i didn't have my girls i think i'd go insane... they're my back-up plan, they're my sound-board when i can't take it anymore, they're my shoulder to cry on, my ear to listen, my advice-givers, my source of positive energy and spunk. my roommates (actual and pseudo) are the greatest girls on earth!! if i didn't have them i think i would drown in all the drama and ridiculousness!! they keep me afloat! I LOVE YOU!!
3) sleeping... yup sleeping... a charge for the battery. it's a great way to let things cool down and put things in perspective. all big decisions should be slept on... and on top of all the great benefits of sleeping, i'm pretty sure my bed is the most comfortable place EVER!!

3 Fears:
1) being alone.
2) not being able to move my arms and legs
3) losing my senses... they're very important to me.

3 Goals:
1) to be as skinny/in shape as i was in high school... for those of you that don't know, i gained 50lbs after high school (over the space of 3 years...) yup. fifty pounds. that's like carrying around one of my nieces or nephews... gross. BUT... since i've moved out of my parent's house (and stopped eating my mom's AMAZING food every day) i've slimmed down QUITE a bit... i'm on my way!!
2) i have a list of famous people i'd like to meet before i die... Russell Crowe, Bruce Willis, Bill Cosby, Jason Statham, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Kevin Bacon (haha), the entire cast of CSI, Matthew McConaughey, Tina Fey, and Matthew Macfadyen (the guy that plays Mr. Darcy)
3) i also have a list of places i want to go before i die... i want to go to Scotland, Ireland, England, Whales, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, Spain, Portugal, Switzerland, ALL OVER... i want to go to Mexico, i want to road-trip to all of the continental United States, and then go to Alaska and Hawaii, i want to go to Australia, i want to go to Africa and South America... (the list of countries is too long) i want to see the 7 Wonders of the World (old and new)

3 Current Obsessions/Collections:
1) working my butt off so i can prove that i'm good enough to be department manager
2) eating hash browns and runny-eggs on toast... YUM best FAST breakfast ever.
3) listening to music and dancing...

3 Facts about myself:
1) i LOVE my apartment and my roommates
2) i will laugh at just about anything... laughing is my hobby
3) i'm not a fan of the constant rain that we have from september to may...

TA DA!! there you have it.
i'm tagging Emily Shaw, Jennalee Rowe and Molly Surowiec (my three lovely sisters)

-kmw-

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

oh yes...

bringin' back the
banana clip!!
and cuz my hair is so short it looks like a mane...
or one of those knight's helmets...
YALIKEIT?!

-kmw-

Monday, September 08, 2008

time for a change in the hair department...

so... i cut seven inches off my hair...before...after...

what'cha think??

-kmw-

Friday, August 29, 2008

for my best friend...

happy birthday to you...
happy birthday to you!!
happy birthday dear best friend,happy birthday to you!!!
i love you lots! hope your birthday is
everything you wish for and more!!

love me.

-kmw-

Monday, August 25, 2008

the gorge, jason statham and epi-pens

i worked Friday from 5:30-2:30... to say the least, it was one of the worst days EVER. apparently when i talk, nobody cares to listen and the people that are supposed to be working for me don't seem to care that i exist... i was reduced almost to tears i was so angry...


then my lovely Polly, Abraham and Megan came to rescue me. they picked me up and we were off! a couple hours later, there we were... the Gorge in George, to see Jack Johnson. it was great!! the view was amazing, the weather was fine, the people-watching was incredible... i mean really, could life get any better?
the music started, the opening bands played, some of it was kinda weird... oh well. the crowd filled until there was no grass to be seen. just people.

we met our newest friend, Tyler, who came over to say hello and ask us where we were from. clearly a little tipsy already, we indulged him. turns out we were born in the same hospital. what are the odds of that?? megan thought he was pretty amusing...
the sun went down, and it was a beautiful sunset. when jack started the crowd cheered!! the wind blew and all we could smell was weed. yup. i could definitely smell a bit of "ha-sheesh". (sally, that was for you) i'm pretty sure we were all getting contact-high... all we could breath was second hand cigarette smoke, bong hits and alcohol of all sorts.
oh! it gets even better... a couple songs into the show the group behind us started to get obnoxious beyond all reason. they were sliding down the hill so they were practically on top of us, one chick kicked Abraham in the head a couple times, another chick was belligerently drunk... she started yelling, in the most nasal, annoying, loud voice
"I JUST LOVE HIM!! I WANNA RUSH THE STAGE! I JUST LOVE HIM!! OH, I LOVE HIM!"
i wanted to turn around 3 or 4 times and just say "lady. you're cut off. shut up or i'll be forced to kick you in the throat."
ugh! she was irritating.
when the music started sounding like a radio at a party that nobody was listening to, and the air was too hard to breathe we decided to bounce. we left at 10pm and headed home. we made it home around 12:30-1ish. i don't remember most of the drive... i was sleeping... in fact, i don't remember the ride there either because i slept through that too... i woke up with "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" playing in my head... i couldn't figure it out, so i asked if it was playing, to which Abraham responded "i was singing it..." ah ha! that explains it.

Saturday night was the drive-in. we saw Death Race and Mummy 3... i'm pretty sure that i've got the biggest crush on Jason Statham in the WORLD! i don't know if there could be a hotter man on earth... i mean really... DANG! before the movies started Abraham and i played a little catch. a quick jaunt to the bano for some mild entertainment, compliments of Banana... she was telling us something while doing some leg stretches on the wall... gotta love her! the movies was INCREDIBLE. i will own it. we didn't care to stay for the second movie, so we left...
tonight was another interesting evening. there's never a dull moment at my house...
we're all here, watching the Notebook, mid-movie Polly pauses it and has a story for all of us. turns out she slapped Abraham across the face today and it was quite humorous. he has Epi-Pens for emergency situations and he was showing Polls how they work. there were 2 in the box and then a third that was like a re-fill or whatever. he showed her how when you push it in, the giant needle goes into your leg and the stuff comes out... then he grabbed the re-fill and pulled off the cap, like he did with the first one, looks over a Polly, so takes a step back and then POW! hits her back in the leg. can you IMAGINE the look on her face?! she gasps, looks at Abraham, hesitates for a second and the WHAM! slaps him across the face. for the next bit he can't look at her without this look on her face of complete and utter confusion... "what just happened?" i'm pretty sure that if i had been there for this event i would have been rolling on the floor, unable to breathe from laughing so hard... i mean really, i was laughing so hard i was about to pass out from lack of oxygen... good times...

*sigh* okie. time for bed... gotta work early!!

-kmw-

Thursday, August 14, 2008

viva la vida - coldplay

i used to rule the world
seas would rise when i gave the word
now in the morning i sleep alone
sweep the streets i used to own

i used to roll the dice
feel the fear in my enemies eyes
listen as the crowd would sing:
"now the old king is dead! long live the king!"

one minute i held the key
next the walls were closed on me
and i discovered that my castles stand
upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

i hear jerusalem bells are ringing
roman cavalry choirs are singing
be my mirror my sword and shield
my missionaries in a foreign field
for some reason i can not explain
once you know there was never, never an honest word
that was when i ruled the world
(ohhh)

it was the wicked and wild wind
blew down the doors to let me in.
shattered windows and the sound of drums
people could not believe what i'd become
revolutionaries wait
for my head on a silver plate
just a puppet on a lonely string
oh who would ever want to be king?

i hear jerusalem bells are ringing
roman cavalry choirs are singing
be my mirror my sword and shield
my missionaries in a foreign field
for some reason i can not explain
i know saint peter won't call my name
never an honest word
and that was when i ruled the world
(ohhhhh ohhh ohhh)

hear jerusalem bells are ringing
roman cavalry choirs are singing
be my mirror my sword and should
my missionaries in a foreign field
for some reason i can not explain
i know saint peter will call my name
never an honest word
but that was when i ruled the world
oooooh oooooh oooooh

Saturday, July 26, 2008

wade's: a place to "shoot" the breeze

my beautiful roommate and i went shooting the other day with her lovely boyfriend, (my adopted brother) and his buddy. i'm pretty sure that it was a blast. i was nervous because i've never shot a hand gun before... and polls had never shot a gun at ALL... so we were nervous together....
but there we were!
we both shot a 45 and i shot a 9mm

i only hit the target once... my brother did those other ones...
(if you can read it, it says "kiley's first shot" and then points to it)

they were so cute... he helped her aim...

these are the men i want protecting me... a wonderful shot, both of them...
it was QUITE an experience... i shot once... then got nervous and missed the dang paper with every other shot... but i got some great tips from these men, so next time i'll hopefully do better. and next time we'll shoot rifles too... woo hoo!!
the first gun i ever shot was a black powder rifle... aaaaand i made my own bullets.
bam! i'm amazing ;) haha!!
anyway... fun times. i can't wait to go again!!

-kmw-

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

hilarity at lowes

my dear roommate Ems and i have been doing computer training at Lowe's these past couple days...
so pretty much we've been sitting in a room, with no air conditioning, only a fan to circulate the stuffy air, staring at computers taking stupid tests for 8 hours a day for 2 days...
can you say BORING?!
the brain capacity is close to full and we're tired and bored, which makes everything 10 times more humorous...
there we are, taking tests, laughing at the ridiculous answers and text questions...
Ems turns to me and says:
"what a terrible word for someone that's dyslexic... (something like) Cynerjyk"
me: "haha, yeah! they can't say their S's..."
(laughing)
me: "wait... you said 'dyslexic', i heard 'lisp'..."
(both laughing hysterically)
oh wow... i'm pretty much sure that i'm the most retarded person alive...
wow...

just thought i'd share a bit of hilarity...

-kmw-

Friday, July 11, 2008

co-ed softball... a laughing matter...

so i've been recruited to the F9ers co-ed softball team...
sadly i've only been able to go to 1 practice due to, well... strep/mono and other things that have been getting in the way lately.
anyway, last night was our first game.
what i didn't know about these games is that they're by TIME not by INNING... we get 1 hour to play a game, then 1 hour to play another game against the same team... if we each win one it's a tie. if one team wins both, obviously they win.
i played left-center field last night... first time i've played softball in 4 years... so i was a little rusty... i missed a catch that any other day i would have caught... stupid me, i didn't wear my glasses the first inning... needless to say i was pissed and wore them the rest of the game.
i did however get a couple singles and i stole home in the first game.
the whole time i was standing out in left-center i was making my own commentary on the game... well... kinda. more like i was making fun of people out loud, but no one else could hear me... so i laughed at my own jokes... gotta love the easily amused.
there was this one guy on the other team that was giving pointers to the pitcher... saying things like "don't be afraid to throw it a little further..." cuz she wasn't quite getting it over the plate... and she would just say "ok, yeah, thanks...." and continue on. well, next inning they switched and he was the pitcher... and he SUCKED!! HA-larious. this same guy also hit a pop RIGHT to our left fielder... after telling his team to keep it low, keep it down... blah blah... wow... so for the rest of the game he was nic-named "the cocky one".
anyway... it was a GREAT game... we beat the CRAP out of them first game, and then came from behind and tied it up in the second game. woo hoo!! :)
GO F9ERS!!! hahaha!!
wish us luck for the rest of the season!

-kmw-

Thursday, July 10, 2008

junior? JUNIOR?!


Once upon a time, Big Kev, a friend of Little Ems, came over and brought his VCR (or "VHS player", as i like to call it... shut up Ross...) and the Indiana Jones trilogy... while watching them, the Last Crusade to be precise, i happened to look up in the corner of our vaulted ceiling and i saw this huge moth... Little Ems says "he's been there forever! he needs a name" Polls says "lets call him Indiana Jones Junior" i said "just Junior... (polls: why?) 'Junior' is what his dad called him... his name isn't Indiana Jones, he wanted to be called Indiana but... 'we named the DOG Indiana'..." so we started calling this moth Junior.
one day i came home and i was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden, mid conversation with i can't remember who, i stopped, looked up, almost giving myself whip-lash and he was gone. "JUNIOR?! JUNIOR?!! NOOOO!!!! JUNIOR'S GONE!!" i was distraught. i couldn't find him on the ceiling, the walls, the nooks, ANYwhere!! he was gone.
i found out today that my Ukrainian friend, Vanya, had captured my Junior, and set him free!!
rude.
*sigh* no more junior.
-kmw-

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

brazillians, mac n' cheese, and strep throat

so basically the past 2 days have royally sucked...
*sigh* where do i begin?
yesterday morning i woke up feeling a little less than great, and nervous as heck because my lovely roommate talked me into going to get a Brazilian wax with her. i'm not going in to detail, because i fear losing some of you as friends... but let me just tell you that it hurt just as much, if not more, than you can imagine... crap. i admit it... i cried. but, crazy as it sounds, i don't regret it. just like polls says... "it's one of those things on your list of things to do before you die". i got so worked up and used so much energy trying NOT to scream profanities at the top of my lungs that i was flipping exhausted when it was all over. i almost fell asleep on the couch while she got hers.
well, on the drive home my body started to ache... my lower back was the worst. we stopped for gas and the pain was unbearable. tears started rolling down my cheeks. polls got back in the car and asked me if i was crying, to which i answered yes, but that i didn't know why. to make matters worse i couldn't make it stop. they just kept coming and more and more of my body started aching. my skin started burning, but i was freezing!! i kept getting chills and goose bumps even though it was hot outside. it hurt to swallow. when we got home i went inside, grabbed my blanket and snuggle pillow and curled up on the couch and cried. sobbed for the first time in who knows how long. and i still didn't know why. i mean yeah, i was in pain, and yeah i had kinda just gone through a bit of a trauma, but sobbing uncontrollably?! what's wrong with me?! i called my best friend, spat and without me saying more than hello he knew something was terribly wrong. i got a long-distance hug, and someone to talk to for a bit while the tears subsided.
unfortunately i had to get up and dressed and make myself look presentable because i had a drug test to take. (yeah, i'm going back to work for Lowe's... long story...)
after that my B convinced me that laying in the sun would make me feel better, so i put on my swim suit and dress and went down to the beach and laid in the sun... but it didn't help. i hugged him goodbye and went home and curled up on my couch again.
i asked a couple friends to come and give me a blessing. p.s. i don't think that i can say it enough, THANKS GUYS!!! you're seriously the greatest ever. and just fyi, i'm feeling 10 times better today.
after that i was forced to sit in a hot bath for half an hour... let me tell you, that's LONG past pruney-finger time... and i had to drink this nasty crap that's supposed to make my throat not hurt anymore. when i got out i dried off and got in my pj's and got my bed all ready to get in, put some water bottles next to it and some saltines. (dang those are good crackers) i took my temperature before i went to bed... sure enough, i had a fever... 102.4
i sweat it off during the night... i had a fan blowing on me and everything! i woke up with soaking wet sheets and clothes... that's just foul. but hey, broke my fever and i'm already feeling better. i discovered that it was strep throat and not the flu, which is what we thought at first... but yeah... i've never felt so crappy before in my LIFE... i really thought that i was going to have to go see a doctor... i HATE the doctor... do i sound like i'm 5? all they ever do is poke me and tell me things i already know and then charge me through the nose for telling me that.
well... TODAY i feel better... not 100% yet, but better. sadly, my roommate had to go to the eye doctor to get her eye checked out that i hit with a pop can about a week ago... i can't remember if i've already told that story, but the short version is we were dorking around playing baseball with a pop can and a steel bat and i smashed her in the eye with the can by accident... i don't think i can apologize enough... i still feel bad, but she keeps telling me not to worry about it... and then today she tells me she's going to the doctor... great. OH! and she had surgery... apparently the black dot she kept seeing when she looked up wasn't a bruise... it was her retina disconnecting from the rest of her flippin eye!! still, she tells me not to worry... how can i not?! i sent my roommate to the doctor for SURGERY and i'm not supposed to worry about it? really?
anyway... i'm spending the night at a friends house because the doctor doesn't want her running the risk of getting infected... i can understand that. i'm just not happy that i can't be there for her like she was there for me last night. i feel bad that i can't take care of her like she took care of me... *sigh*
anyway... i hung out at home today, watching almost every movie i own and drinking water. i had mac n' cheese for the first time in a long time... it was gross, but it was warm and easy to eat... so i suffered through it. besides, i ran out of crackers and straight water wasn't cuttin' it. i was starving.
now i'm just chillin with my little bro... watching Fun With Dick and Jane... HA-larious!!
peace out.

-kmw-

Thursday, July 03, 2008

laughing is a workout...

k guys... i've been increasingly worse at this...
so sorry...
in my defense, it has been CRAZY in my life here this past month.
i'm pretty sure that i've never laughed as much as i have since i moved in with my girls, Polls and Ems. they make me so happy!! such positive people are hard to find. they're so laid back and anti-drama, i love it. they're always in a good mood, and constantly telling me how beautiful they think i am and how much they love me.
i love them too... so much that words can't describe.
every time one of us says something hilarious we write it on a post-it and put it on the fridge... i think i've mentioned that before... every time i get something out of the fridge i laugh just thinking about it.
last night was no exception.
it was the most amazing thunder and lightning storm EVER.
it seriously looked like a light show... it was INCREDIBLE!!
Polls and i were on our way home after taking home our gimpy friend Abraham and the lightning was going nuts!! flash after flash lit up the sky...
as we pulled into our apartment complex the entire sky lit up about 4 times right in a row.
i yelled at the top of my lungs "WHOOOOOA!!! did you SEE it?!"
Polls turns to me and says "ok, hold on... 'WHOOOOOA!!'..."
i busted up laughing... almost ran us into a couple curbs before we made it to our parking spot.
HAlarious! i laughed so hard i was crying and almost peed my pants, for reals.
we came in and re-capped for Ems and her friend and laughed all over again.
every day is like this around our apartment. we can't go ONE day without one of us saying something completely ridiculous and hilarious all at the same time.
we crack ourselves up.
oh wow... so funny.

i love living here!! :) ever day is better and better :)

-kmw-

Thursday, June 26, 2008

failure to blog...

i'd like to apologize for my lack of blogging lately...
it has been a little less than ordinary for me this past bit...
all in one month i completely turned my life around.
seriously.
i started a new, full-time job, i moved out of my parent's lovely abode, i started working out more consistently and eating right for the first time in YEARS, and all in a weekend, became as independent as i've ever been.
woo hoo!
my head has been in 100 different places all at once.
i don't think i've slept a full 8 hours a night more than twice or maybe 3 times.
i've been working out more and kicking my own butt.
i've been eating a bunch of healthy crap.
i've made new friends, and strengthened my existing friendships.
AND... i look Mexican.
i can't tell you how much i absolutely LOVE taking a 12 minute nap and waking up 3 shades darker... it's the best.
my mom keeps saying i'm gunna look like a leather purse...
ANYway...
i'd like to take this opportunity to give a little public shout out to all those people that made this life transformation possible.
first of all: my family.
i have to admit i was a little upset when everything for my move started falling apart at the last minute, but you all came through for me in the end.
Mom and Dad... i love you. and i know i don't say it enough, but i miss and love you both very much. what'dya say? Sunday? dinner at your place? done.
lerd... thanks for the support-from-afar. i know if you were here you'd be all over helping me out in any way you could. it's the thought that counts. i love you!!
em... thanks for everything. the use of your van, the vote of confidence, the ha-rah! when i finally got out... i was so happy and overwhelmed that i cried when you left. the secret is out... i totally did.
mole... thanks for being here and helping toss stuff in my window... you too 'fer!! i love you guys!!
crint... thanks for the laughs! every time i get a text from you i bust up. sorry i don't always reply... life's been a bit busy. i'll try to do better and be around a little more. i know it wasn't exactly cool of me to just leave you alone with the parental unit... my bad ;) haha!!
and now a shout out to my wonderful roommates.
thank you for all you have done. i don't think i could have moved into a better apartment with better people. i'm pretty sure that this is the greatest experience of my life. yeah, the lack of sleep has gotten to me at times, but it's pretty worth it just to be with you guys. i love waking up in the morning knowing that all i have to do is open my door and there you are!!!
i'm gunna have to agree with you poll's... it's like having the longest slumber party EVER... every night is a party!
CAN life get any better? i submit that it CANNOT!!
and i LOVE that you write all the silly things i say on sticky notes so that i'm always reminded of the funny times and happiness that i've felt since June 13th. every time i get something out of the fridge i crack up just reading what i've said...
and for the record, i'm still freakin jealous of the dang computer.
ems. your face. it's so big. apple?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
shh! Lewis is gunna kill us. i need to teach myself how to laugh a little quieter...
HA! who am i kidding?
Last but not least, Banana... my pseudo-roommate. girl. thanks for stayin with me. i know i haven't been exactly the greatest for the past month, but i'm glad that you understand me and know that i love you no matter what. and even though my life has been turned up-side-down i'll find my groove and get back to normal... one of these days. ;)
you're beautiful.
*sigh*
it's almost midnight... i think i'll go have another FIBER ONE!!!! and head to bed now...
hope you all didn't miss me too much!!

-kmw-

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

update on the sitch...

so in the last week or so i've started working full time, i moved into a new apartment, and i've had minimal sleep... i might even go as far as to say that i am sleep deprived...
but! i've been trying to maintain a "cheerful disposition" and at time i've even faked happy so as to not scare people away... i'd say it's worked out well so far... haha!!
only side-effect: memory loss...
i can't remember anything to save my life.
at work i'll pull out papers and then 2 minutes later, forget why i got them out.
at home i'll forget that i've put laundry in the wash/dryer.
in phone calls and text messaging i've forgotten if i actually had a real conversation with someone... so if this has happened to you, i apologize... i'll try harder to actually be coherent when we talk... hahaha!!
anyway... i thought i'd give a quick update on the sitch...
we get internet tomorrow!! so i'll be back to my usual-frequent-poster-self!! :)
happy blogging!!

-kmw-

Thursday, June 12, 2008

life's not so peachy...

so ya know how i said that everything was going my way...
like...
a week ago?
well...
that was a week ago.
now that it's coming down to "moving day" everything seems to be going to crap in record time.
ever since i decided to move out my parents have been a little less than positive.
i understand their concern... i know that they don't want to see me fail, and neither do i...
but have a little faith.
i owe a BUNCH to my awesome home teacher... he's been WONDERFUL!! he's the greatest home teacher anyone could ever ask for. i know you might think yours is great, but mine is better. so there. he's done everything he can to help me out and nothing is going according to plan... i feel SO bad!! he was gunna postpone his plans for Saturday to help me move!! how sweet is he?! of course i didn't want him to cancel his plans for ME, but he insisted, so, naturally, i insisted on buying him lunch to make up for it...
after this run-around i think i'll actually take him to lunch, dinner, and dessert...
the run-around:
the original plan was Friday after work he would meet me at my house, as would my older sister and we would make it in one trip: clothes in the mini-van, everything else in the truck and trailer...
that plan was foiled because the other people helping me out (namely my sisters and parents) were going to be at graduation for my little brother (that i was going to miss because it starts at 6 and i'm not off work til 7)
so we changed the plans to Saturday early afternoon-ish...
he had plans for Saturday afternoon, i didn't want to mess them up, even though he said about 100 times that it was alright, and that i needed the help more... so we planned to do it in the morning on Saturday...
well... that's all well and good, but the rest of the moving crew won't be there!
crap...
why you ask?
unfortunately, we had a family friend pass away this week... her funeral is on Saturday.
we also have a family friend getting married... the wedding is on Saturday...
it's my sister and her husband's weekend for the boys to visit... that's on Saturday...
it's my other sister's daughter's tee-ball game weekend... that's on Saturday...
is there anything that's NOT happening on Saturday?!
for the love.
i'm scrambling to figure out how this is all gunna work out... on Saturday...
i'm exhausted... mentally, physically, emotionally...
i'm so tired, all i wanna do is sit here and cry.
it honestly feels like everything is against me this weekend.
i'm trying to stay positive.
it's not exactly easy...
i'll let you know how it works out...

-kmw-

best and worst...

readin stuff on MSN.com again... found an article...
11 bests and worsts of being a parent...
i copied the blurbs that i thought were the most humorous... and that REALLY applied to me hahaha!!

11 BESTS:
1 Childbirth
2 First Time Out of the House
3 Potty Training
4 Family Meals As a parent, you rediscover the four main food groups and learn to cook instead of dial for dinner. Better yet, you actually sit down to eat and talk with your family. You'll find out what your kids learned at school. You'll hear their views on current events. Maybe you'll just laugh together. Not every meal will be so satisfying, but sharing mealtime with your family has a way of putting life into perspective, one day at a time.
5 Playtime
6 Hugs and Kisses A peck on the cheek at bedtime. A full-body squeeze before you head out to work. Hugs and kisses from your kids are shots of adrenaline, caffeine, and sugar all at once. Shows of affection may get fewer and farther between as children grow older, but each one of them is a natural high.
7 Seeing Yourself in Your Child Your daughter inherits your sense of humor and your spouse's corkscrew curls. Even better, she does not inherit your inability to add fractions or your husband's dance moves. Observing the physical and personality traits that manifest themselves in your children—and those that, thankfully, do not—is one of the most gratifying parts of watching your children evolve.
8 Discovering New Hobbies
9 Reliving First Love... and Heartbreak
10 Graduation Days
11 Rediscovering Your Spouse

11 WORSTS:
1 Philosophical Acquiescence
2 Sleep Deprivation Nothing can prepare you for those first few months (or in some cases years) of waking up every couple hours to change a diaper, prepare a bottle, or walk around the living room in a daze hoping the kid you're cradling will finally call it a night. (They probably will around dawn.) Nursing mothers obviously bear the brunt of this, but dads who want to do their part (and to those who don't: Why are you sitting on the sidelines?) feel the effects too. When you're both this tired it affects everything—your social life, your productivity at home and at work, and your ability to communicate amicably. Watch out for that last one.
3 The Blowout Diaper Poop. Better get used to it being everywhere—on the furniture, on your clothes, under your nails. And it's staggering how much poop that little human can store up in its body and, without warning, evacuate all at once. Think Mount Vesuvius. The prudent will stock up on extra baby wipes and take them everywhere the baby goes, just for this moment. My wife and I still refer to our seminal diaper-changing moment as "The Costco Parking Lot." We had the car cleaned afterward.
4 Public Embarrassment
5 Mortality Whether the deceased is a goldfish or a grandparent, managing your child through the death of someone close is one of the toughest and saddest parts of your job. There's not much you can do to stop the tears, so be prepared to ride it out and fumble your way through big questions like, "Why does anything have to die?" If there's a silver lining, it's that kids seem to bounce back faster than adults do, eventually giving you time to grieve—but only after you've helped them get over the loss.
6 Marriage Issues
7 Health Issues
8 Routine
9 Breakdown There are times you'll feel at your wits' end, and not in some funny way portrayed in a movie or on a sitcom. When something snaps inside, you feel it and the resulting emotions may be confusing or alarming. Worse, you may have no outlet to deal with them because you're the parent and the show must go on. It feels warm and fuzzy to say these trying moments help you grow as a person, but the reality is that sometimes they don't. Sometimes they take the life right out of you.
10 Trouble Child You get the call at work to come to school for a meeting with the principal. Turns out little Johnny is the school bully and he just punched three kids and a teacher. You saw the tendencies at home, but now your worst fears are true, and in addition to dealing with school administration you have several other parents to answer to. What did you do wrong, and is fixing the problem coming years too late?
11 Worry Despite your best efforts to project a calm fa├žade, inside you're wondering if your kids are failing at school, having trouble making friends, hanging out with the wrong crowd, or experimenting in ways that make your skin crawl. As they get older, they spend more time away from you and your protective eyes and arms, and though you try to grant them independence, you dread getting bad news. Suddenly it hits you: You're just like your mom. Somehow that doesn't make you feel any better.

yup... i think i've covered almost all of those worsts... still working on the bests...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

SALLY!!

this one's for you brother...
i still love ya!!
ska-doosh!!

Father's Day RD Jokes

i subscribe to readers digest for emails of the jokes and everything, as i've mentioned before, and today i got the father's day jokes... so i thought i'd share

The Right Choice

My 16-year-old brother, Ryan, was out late with friends one night. Suddenly he realized it was Father's Day and he had neglected to buy a card for our dad. After much searching, Ryan located an open store, but was disappointed to find only two cards left on a picked-over rack. Selecting one, he brought it home and, somewhat sheepishly, presented it to our father.

Upon opening it, Dad read this message: "You've been like a father to me." He looked at Ryan, puzzled.

"Well, Dad," Ryan tried to explain, "it was either that or the card that said, 'Now that I'm a father too!'"

-- Submitted by Anne Carlson

Thanks for the Soda, Pop!

Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid. Sure enough, my car overheated. Scolding myself for not listening to my father's instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi. I finished the trip safely.

-- Submitted by Charlotte G. Alexander

Say What, Dad?

Our Gen-X daughter, Cristie, made my husband a Father's Day card entitled "Things My Dad Would Never Say." Such as:

"Can you turn up that music?"

"Go ahead and take my truck. Here's 50 bucks for gas."

"I LOVE your tattoo. We should both get new ones."

"Here, you take the remote."

-- Submitted by Deanna Schneider

Watch the Wash, Dad...

I decided to make myself useful and do a load of the family laundry. When I took the clothes out of the machine, I discovered -- to my dismay -- that I had also washed the watch my wife had given me while we were dating. "Don't expect me to replace it," she said later with an obvious lack of sympathy. By the time Father's Day rolled around, however, she had relented and gave me a beautiful new watch. Attached was a note with this stipulation: "DRY-CLEAN ONLY!"

-- Submitted by Paul Diblasi

What a Card!

Father's Day was near when I brought my three-year-old son, Tyler, to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for dads and told him to pick one.

When I looked back, Tyler was picking up one card after another, opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots, every which way. "Tyler, what are you doing?" I asked. "Haven't you found a nice card for Daddy yet?"

"No," he replied. "I'm looking for one with money in it."

-- Submitted by Terri Cook

Papa Bear

My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears -- one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. "That's Daddy."

Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?"

-- Submitted by Robin Yedlock

Pop Vs. Pup

While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn't help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, "Now remember -- run to Dad first, then the dog."

-- Submitted by Karla J. Kasper

Paternal Payback

On the day I received my learner's permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver's seat. "Why aren't you sitting up front on the passenger's side?" I asked.

"Kirsten, I've been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl," Dad replied. "Now it's my turn to sit back here and kick the seat."

-- Submitted by Kirsten Wiley

No. 1 on Our List -- Literally!

My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.

-- Submitted by Joan Flood

-kmw-

Monday, June 09, 2008

more RD funnies...

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
-Bill Cosby-

The other night, I ate at a real nice family restaurant.
Every table had an argument going.
-George Carlin-

When I get one of those "mom" headaches, I take the advice on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.
-Roseanne Barr-

Friday, June 06, 2008

RD Funnies...

Let's face it, all the good stuff happens after midnight.
--Matt Groening--


"Purpose of visit?" asked the customs agent as we approached a checkpoint at the U.S.-Canadian border.
"We're going to a wedding," my wife said.
"Are you carrying any weapons--knives, guns?" he asked.
"No," she said. "It's not that kind of wedding."


"I'll never find the right guy," I heard a young guest at the wedding shower sigh.
"Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid."
"Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could be a skillet."


A distraught driver was grateful when out Marine son, Jim, stopped to help put out a fire in her car. "I prayed, 'please let the next car stop,' and it was you," the woman gushed.
Jim's mother was also pleased when she heard the story.
"Who would have thought," she told him, "that you'd be the answer to any girl's prayers?"